tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5742181923651451932.post779956179117308036..comments2024-03-27T02:10:38.312-07:00Comments on The Little Things: Five year old fearJuliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821307241859156967noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5742181923651451932.post-6612346288212800322008-10-02T15:35:00.000-07:002008-10-02T15:35:00.000-07:00having BTDT love on her....make her feel loved an...having BTDT love on her....make her feel loved and safe and DO NOT CALL him....he will make his choices and you can't make him have a relationship with her...meaning calling him is like nagging...I only say this cause I was the one that called and then got mad cause he wouldn't pursue a realationship. He hasn't seen his boys for more than 15 minutes in 6years. They are young men now and it is totally his loss IMO and just my opinion on this BTWMama Kautzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06373608554020259888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5742181923651451932.post-82374317539354502972008-10-02T10:57:00.000-07:002008-10-02T10:57:00.000-07:00Hi Julie :o)~ I am the mommy of four who have bee...Hi Julie :o)~ I am the mommy of four who have been through divorce first of all on the fear thing... this is going to sound so strange but it worked wonders for us.. we got a can of vanilla air freshener. covered it with white contact paper.. drew a monster on it with a big red circle and line through it.. and it became monster spray.. You spray it twice and you are monster safe. I know its silly, but it worked wonders for us.<BR/><BR/>As for the dad situation, Definitely keep a journal of every time she asks for him so when he makes some lame brain comment about "Well you could have called you can say we did etc" make sure Chloe knows how lucky she is to have Andrew and you, and if possible maybe try and reserve some time for Andrew to have time with her.. Mary and Chuck go off to 7-11 for slurpees or walmart to window toy shop.. in the end its the time that matters.<BR/><BR/>big hugs {{{{{{Julie, Chloe, Cora and what the heck Andrew too}}}}}Triciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07409058985716376662noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5742181923651451932.post-15033178732758474772008-10-01T19:50:00.000-07:002008-10-01T19:50:00.000-07:00Thanks to both of you for your thoughts. I'm actua...Thanks to both of you for your thoughts. I'm actually not a big fan of Dobson as far as his parenting views, but I do like what he has to say about relationships.<BR/><BR/>I tried calling Mark today, no answer and no return call. I guess I'm just going to let it go. But he's gonna get an ear full if he starts coming and going in her life every few months thinking it's okay.<BR/><BR/>Hey, if he's gone a year, i can file to have his parental rights relinquished, and Andrew can adopt her. :-)Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02821307241859156967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5742181923651451932.post-42553971045357453822008-10-01T18:49:00.000-07:002008-10-01T18:49:00.000-07:00Although I love Dobson, I"m not so sure that stati...Although I love Dobson, I"m not so sure that statistic is accurate without comparing it with how many children with married parents have those fears and how many children with parents who should be divorced yet "stay together for the kids"<BR/><BR/>I seriously believe that all children have those fears and that you are fortunate that Chloe feels comfortable enough with you that she expresses them.<BR/><BR/>I feel it is important for you to acknowledge her fears as well as point out that you would never (knowingly) put her in harm's way, nor would other parents. I would tell her that it has to be her decision to participate but that you would like to stay and watch, or look in a window. <BR/><BR/>I would not eliminate those things from her life and remind her that you will keep her safe.<BR/><BR/>About Mark...I think the less said the better at this point. Yes, it does lead to behavioral issuses but remember that consistency is one of the biggest gifts to a child. If you ae a good parent, it is important to be a good parent always. If you suck as a parent, it's so heart breaking for a child when the bad parent is bullied into being a good one and it doesn't last.<BR/><BR/>Yes, she will miss him but sooner or later she'll understand the heartbreak isn't worth it.<BR/><BR/>Oh my...how I rattle on...hope I've been able to help in some way.<BR/><BR/>JanJanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16508488901278114809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5742181923651451932.post-55282590561423936482008-10-01T09:14:00.000-07:002008-10-01T09:14:00.000-07:00Oh Julie, that's such a tough call, a tough situat...Oh Julie, that's such a tough call, a tough situation. I wish I had some good sound advice for you, but I don't really. I'm encouraged to know that you have been reading Dobson. His books were my "bible" when my children were young. As far as the irrational fear thing... If I were you, I don't think I'd overreact to it. Just say, Okay... and move on. I wouldn't beg her to do what scares her... but instead acknowledge her fear of whatever, like "Boy, I can tell that you're really afraid of that." and then move on. Don't make a big hairy deal out of it, and she will get over it.<BR/><BR/>I do believe that her bio dad should pull his weight with her. It's just not right for him to abandon her like that, even if he is a bad influence. If he could just see her a few times a week, for an hour or two... take her to get ice cream, take her for a walk, to the park, whatever, he really needs to make time for her, so that she feels a sense of security. <BR/><BR/>Wow, for someone who didn't have much advice, I sure typed alot, didn't I???? Must be the two pump white chocolate mocha - no whip that I'm drinking... ;-PAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15974872844045084451noreply@blogger.com