Rough afternoon...

Oy vey. All week long I've been exhausted to the core by evening, but I'm more than exhausted right now. Not sure the word, but it's been a rough afternoon.

All was well till Cora woke up at four from her long nap, and then everything kinda fell apart. She's usually okay as long as I'm up and moving and she's in the sling - it's as soon as she realizes I had the nerve to sit down that she starts crying again. So I managed to make Chloe a peanut butter and banana sandwich for dinner, and made some macaroni and cheese out of a box for myself. (What will I do when Andrew is home in the evening and I have to cook real dinners again?!) So I made dinner with her in the sling all the while. Of course, I'm not permitted to sit down and eat, so I managed to get down about half a bowl in between strolls through the kitchen. In the meantime, Chloe was playing with the dog in the living room, when all of a sudden she screams something about "Izzy eating Andrew's chair." Yep, she was right. Something possessed our usually well-behaved dog to chew off a corner of the arm rest on the recliner. Lovely.

So Chloe starts coloring, I wash dishes, straighten up, fold laundry, etc. with Cora in the sling. All I wanted was to sit, but the only way she's happy is if I'm walking, so I figured at least get some stuff done. After awhile, it occurred to me I had no movie to watch tonight (it's become a nightly ritual) and I had no more yarn for the project I'm currently working on. I'm not sure I could survive a night of just walking around in silence without something occupying my hands, so I decided a trip to Blockbuster and Michael's was in order. After all, Cora's happy as long as I'm moving, right? She actually was pretty good. So we get to Blockbuster, grab the first movie that looks decent, stand in line halfway til forever and then try to check out. Do I have my card? No, I don't - I never got one when Andrew added me to the account, but it's never been an issue in the year and a half I've been renting movies there. Will an ID work? Nope, not anymore apparently. Awesome. I was really pissed. A lot more upset than the situation called for. I'm blaming it on hormones. But I held it together, got the girls back in the car, and headed to Michael's. Thankfully there were no issues there.

I would like to say though, that over the past few days, I've realized what a wonderfully behaved little girl Chloe is. She has her moments, but she's just been awesome every time we've gone anywhere. Makes me think there is hope for me as a mother yet.

So anyhow, here we are, a couple hours later. Chloe got her bath, had her milk and cookies, we had a spelling/letters/phonics lesson using fridge magnets while I paced the kitchen with Cora in the sling. I'm currently sitting here with her attached to me still, she just hasn't realized that I'm sitting yet. It's coming, I know, so I better hurry up and finish venting. :-P Every so often she does the whole "Look Mom, I'm so hungry I'm actually eating my own hand" thing, so I put her to breast, where she proceeds to lick my nipple a few times, crunch it between her gums a few times, then spit it out and look at me like I've done something utterly offensive and lets out another wail. She's not hungry - she's drained both sides at least 4 times in the past two hours.

Hopefully she'll fall asleep for real sometime in the next hour or so. My back hurts from all this slinging, I have muscles that haven't been used since Chloe was a babe. I really need to finish folding laundry, I haven't showered and I have baby puke in my hair, I'm still hungry, having never finished my pathetic excuse for dinner.... but mostly, I'm just exhausted.

Dejected. i think that's the word for how I feel right now.

It's been a rough afternoon, I need to go to sleep and wake up to a fresh, new day.

Thanks for letting me whine, back to your regularly scheduled programming!

My Thursday

Oh, what a nice day yesterday was. After Chloe went to her dad's house, Cora and I went and visited my mom at bowling so all the ladies could ooh and ahh over her. Then we stopped by another western store near the bowling alley looking for whatever I will be wearing to my wedding. We found absolutely nothing. After that we dropped off a movie to Blockbuster and met with my mom again for lunch at the Mexican restaurant. Then we went to the mall, got some of those velvet coloring posters for Chloe for Christmas, stopped by Target but ended up not buying anything, and then we came home.

After that, we napped. A nice, hour long nap. Then Cora nursed and went right back to sleep for three hours. I scrapbooked a page and a half, got stuff done around the house here and there, wrote my wedding vows (NOT an easy task!) played with the dog a bit, read for awhile, did some crunches and leg lifts... it was really nice. I even got to take a shower! When she woke up she was fussy and wanted to walk, so I put her in the sling and we walked around the neighborhood. After that, I did the outside chores with her in the sling, then we just settled down and snuggled for the rest of the evening.

When I write it all out, it seems like we did a lot yesterday. But really, it felt like a quiet, relaxing day.

Today we're gonna go to my mom's for a bit, then just hang out at home all afternoon. Cora didn't sleep well at all last night, and has pretty much been awake since 3:30 am other than a couple short naps, so I will probably try to get a nap in with the girls this afternoon too.

Finding knitting time

I figured out the trick to getting some knitting time during the day! If you can manage to knit while instructing a four year old on how to do a craft project, while standing up with a baby in a sling hanging from your chest, all while rocking back and forth and singing Disney Princess songs, you can have knitting time each day.

I finished the last of her three new soakers yesterday afternoon while doing all of the above. We now have a total of seven soakers, and I officially have no excuse to make any more. :-P



I used the Fern and Faerie free soaker pattern. I did alter the sizes a bit, adjusting the rise and using smaller needles on the two larger ones.

The pink/green striped yarn is Paton's SWS, a wool/soy combo that is silky soft and I am in love with. The pink/yellow one is Caron Felt-it in Neon, and the bottom pic is Lionbrand Wool. The Lionbrand one is rougher feeling, not my fave, but it works.

FTR, anyone out there who uses or wants to use cloth diapers, wool is definitely the way to go! I can't tell you how much I'm in love with it.

Yesterday overall was just a wonderful day. We got up and did the morning chores, then went to the library for story time. After that we made a quick trip to Hobby Lobby to exchange some yarn, then to the western store so Chloe could get new boots. We got home, had lunch, and then spent the whole afternoon just playing and hanging out and giggling and having fun. We watched a movie on the laptop on my bed and she colored while I held the baby. We did ab exercises together, which made for lots of giggles, plus a chance to practice counting. She made a card for her grammy (practiced writing letters) and drew some pictures for her using a drawing book from the library. We read half a dozen library books, played Barbies a little bit, played Follow the Leader while I carried Cora in the sling... Yep, I just spent the afternoon enjoying my two beautiful daughters, and it was so good for all of us.

Around four, Cora started her fussy time. I really don't think it's colic because she's perfectly consolable - you just have to do what she wants, how she wants it, for hours. Thankfully I discovered that she really loves her sling, so she just stays in that. We went for a nice long walk around the neighborhood, had leftover Thai chicken salad for dinner so I didn't have to cook, and spent lots of time walking, rocking, and swaying while she sat there with her eyes wide open looking around. She was pretty much fussy till about eight, when Andrew got home. I did really good, my nerves only really getting frazzled about the last hour of that when I needed to water the garden and do outside chores and get Chloe bathed. But I managed, with the babe in a sling all the while.

I may need to make or buy another sling. She puked on this one yesterday, and I just rinsed it and then put it back on - heaven forbid we be without the sling long enough for it to go through the laundry!

I spent the evening knitting on Andrew's sweater some more and watching the last part of The Family Stone. It's taken four nights to watch the whole thing, but definitely a movie worth watching if you haven't already seen it - it's an older flick. It made me think, and it made me cry. Two great qualities of a movie!

So today Mark has Chloe, if he ever calls to come get her. I have a couple short errands to run, and then we're home all day. If Cora sleeps, I'd love to scrapbook a little. If not, I'll stand and rock while I knit. :-)

'Tis all for now!

Surviving... (lots of rambling)

I seem to be surviving so far. At least, I think I am. :-)

The house is clean, the girls are happy, Chloe is played with, the baby is fed, and I've even managed to shower two days in a row. By the end of the day I'm exhausted, my mind is racing a million miles an hour, and I've consumed at least 6 cups of coffee, but hey, at least we're all taken care of, right?

I've snapped at Chloe a few times when she didn't really deserve it... my patience level drops quickly when she repeats herself a million times as if I haven't heard her. "Do you want to play with me?" is what we hear most often out of her. Yesterday while the baby was crying and I was trying to calm her, she kept asking me to play with her. I explained twice that I needed to take care of Cora first and then I would play, but she just kept asking "Do you want to play with me? Do you want to play with me?" Finally I just said "No! I dont' want to play with you right now." Then I felt bad, and her feelings were hurt. :o( I really need to work on my patience level with her. Today we're going to the library and I'm gonna let her stay later than normal to play with the other kids.I know she's just lonely and needs the interaction.

Cora's doing well. I can't decide if she's a fussy baby, or if most babies cry this much - I just don't remember. If she's awake though, she seems to be fussy more than she's happy. The trick is to hold her on your arm (the Daddy hold) and walk, not to slow, not too fast, and not to stop moving, all while patting her bottom in just the right rhythm. The only problem is that it makes it nearly impossible to do anything else. I put her in the sling last night to try it out, and she seemed really happy there for quite some time, long enough for me to get dishes washed, help Chloe pick up all her toys, and get Chloe ready for bed. Hopefully the sling will continue to be acceptable, so I can keep getting things done. She apparently hates the swing, the bouncer, the playmat, or anything else I have to entertain her with.

The house is all pretty much in order, amazingly. At some point in the morning Cora takes a nap for a couple hours, so I use that time to go through and at least accomplish my normal morning routine plus a few extras, like organizing a cabinet or desk here and there. Laundry is staying caught up, the dishes are usually washed, and everything is mostly in it's place. In addition, I've managed to do schoolwork both days with Chloe, as well as playing Barbies, animals, pretend, etc. with her.

I feel bad about my playing with Chloe. I always thought I'd love the day I got to play Barbies with my daughters. Now that the time is here, I just don't really like it all that much. It feels more like a chore than it does like playing. I'm not sure why that is. I often sit down for ten minutes, play, and then get up to do something else because I'm bored and restless, and there's always so much more to do. I keep trying to remind myself it won't be long before she doesn't want to play Barbies anymore, heck, before she doesn't want to play with me at all anymore! I need to learn to live for the moment more, to enjoy the little things, and spend less time worry about 'getting stuff done'. I'm a results-oriented person though, and that can be hard for me.

I've learned that with two children and a houseful of chores, knitting and other crafting doesn't get as much time anymore. I get approximately 15 minutes of knitting time each day, at night after both girls are asleep. I could probably squeeze in more, but by 9:30 or so I'm so exhausted I can't even focus on the stitches anymore. So I figure at this rate, Andrew's sweater should be finished about this time next year. LOL I have managed to make 3 wool soakers for Cora over the past two weeks, but that was mostly with Andrew home. Still need to put a leg cuff on one of them and haven't found the time to do that yet!

I'm a little nervous about how well my body is healing... they say you shouldn't continue to bleed red blood past a certain point, but every morning that's what I find. It slows down by the end of the day, but it's pretty heavy in the morning. They also say if you start to bleed red again that you need to slow down and stop doing so much, which is pretty near impossible for me. Things at least aren't really sore down there anymore, I can walk without much difficulty. I've been doing crunches and leg lefts and side twists and squats and such, trying to get my belly back to normal, so my abs are a little tender, but it's bearable. Amazingly, I'm back to my prepregnancy weight already - not that my prepregnancy weight was anything I want to brag about. LOL I just need to figure out how to tighten up all the loose skin hanging off my belly. It's so gross. I know how to burn fat, but how do you get rid of extra skin? Blech!

Alright, I'm done rambling. So much going through my head I can't really keep up! I'll write more later when I actually have something to say.

Some babies really like baths...

...and others just don't.

Some other recent pictures:

Our little family



Cora in her fave spot (again)


Big sis checking on her baby


And a quick quote from Chloe:

"Mom, I think Atilla the Hun is so cute."

Absolutely hilarious coming from a four year old.

It's Sunday.

This is Cora's spot. Her favorite place in all the house if she isn't nursing. My arm will work if it has to, but Daddy's arm is much better.

And Daddy's arm is going back to work with him tomorrow.

I'm nervous about doing it on my own! So far it's been easy, but he's been here to help make sure chores are done and the baby is cuddled and Chloe is played with and that I get to shower regularly. What am I gonna do?

I'm pretty much back to normal though, at least physically, so that helps. I'm starting to figure out Cora's little quirks, what she likes and doesn't. And Chloe really is a big help as far as running to get me things and stuff. And if things get too overwhelming, well... we'll just go to grandma's house for the day. :-)

Slowly but surely I'm relearning everything I need to, and getting used to having a baby again. And she's doing so great, growing big and strong, already trying to hold her head up and spending lots more time awake. And her cord fell off this morning, yay! I haven't told Chloe yet, she's still asleep, but she'll be so happy to hear that. LOL She's sleeping 8 hours or so at night, waking a time or two but going right back to sleep, so I'm well rested in the morning. Of course, it does help that she's sleeping with us...

I think we're heading to my parents' house this morning for breakfast, as per our usual Sunday tradition. We better really enjoy this last day of having Andrew here with us!

A quarter of a century

I turned 25 on Wednesday. Amazing how time flies, isn't it? I sure don't feel 25 most of the time. 25 was the age that I set so many goals by. I wanted to be married, own a house, have a child or two - really be settled. And I'm so happy that I'm (mostly) there. I won't actually technically be married for another couple weeks, but close enough, eh?

It's funny to think back to other birthdays, to realize how much life has changed for me over the past years.

One year ago, I was jumping out of an airplane, living out a dream and having the time of my life in doing so.

Four years ago I left Chloe with a sitter for the first time (my mother) so I could go to Red Lobster for dinner and my first legal drink. I had a strawberry daquiri. I only had one - I had a baby to nurse when I got home.

Nine years ago I was taking my driving test in my first car, a 1997 Chevy Cavalier named Marv.
Fifteen years ago I was having a swimming party, complete with New Kids on the Block cake.

Twenty one years ago I was having my first birthday party in the house that I would grow up in. We moved just before my birthday. I still miss that house - so many memories there!

Twenty five years ago, I was lying in an isolette, parentless for the first six weeks of my life until the most amazing man and woman were able to adopt me. They gave me such an incredible, full and happy life.

Yep, it's incredible to think of how far I've come, and how much I've grown up! Overall, I'm so happy with my life at 25.

Momma of Two

Yep, this is gonna take some gettin' used to. LOL It's hard already to try to divide my time, and when both of them need me at the same time, I get a little stressed trying to take care of them both. Add to that the housework that I've been making pitiful attempts at, and yep, I'm in over my head at the moment. I'm not worried - I just need time. But it's definitely different with two!
My post pregnancy hormones are very active now too - emotional and stressed and kinda cranky. I feel better today - part of yesteray may have just been how tired I was, and for some reason I feel a lot of pressure to start getting back into the swing of things. I had a few days off, now I need to get back on the ball. There's no good reason for that pressure, but I can't help it. I think I expect too much from myself sometimes. I've been drinking motherwort tincture and taking B-12 complex for my moods, hopefully that'll help a little. I've also been knitting again, which always helps.

Cora's doing great - she's sucking the life out of me, nursing every hour sometimes, but hey, it's a sign of a healthy baby. She sleeps a ton - in fact, Chloe is struggling with that. She thinks Cora should be awake to play with her more often. She pees and poops more than we can keep up with - I swear we change her every hour or more! Chloe never soaked diapers till she was quite a bit older and bigger. My 'tried and true' diapering methods with Chloe are failing miserably. It looks like Cora's gonna wear lots of knitted wool covers. She's sleeping pretty well at night, waking 2 or 3 times in about 8 hours. I just nurse her and fall right back to sleep. The dog is more of a nuisance than the baby is. She seems to have one fussy time each day for about four hours, where she's awake, but sleepy, but not sleepy enough to actually sleep. Thankfully so far we haven't had that fussy time at night yet!

Chloe's hanging in there too - I'm feeling bad because I still can't move around fast enough to play a lot of her games with her, so instead of that I took her to Michael's yesterday and picked out a couple of crafty things to do so I can sit with her while she does them.

Anyhow, I guess I better go, I think my girls will be up soon. Here's a quick pick of Chloe - she keeps stealing this blanket that someone gave us for Cora. She really, really loves it. :-)

A big difference!

Such a difference 5 pounds can make! Chloe was 2 lbs 14 oz when she was born. Cora was 8 lbs 3 oz. The picture above is with the doll that was made to Chloe's birth size. Isn't that incredible? She didn't weigh eight pounds till she was about 6 months old. Cora is wearing clothes that Chloe had to grow into.

The difference between my two babies is so tremendous. Just having Cora here at home, instead of in a hospital for months, is so nice. She eats without choking, she breathes without being stimulated to do so. She isn't plugged into the wall! Chloe was literally plugged in at all times unless we were bathing her and even then she was still on 15 feet of oxygen tubing. She had a 6 foot radius - she didn't leave the living room. We can pick Cora up and carry her into any room we want without thinking twice about it. When Chloe would get mad and really cry, her heart rate monitor would start beeping at us because it was too high. That meant at ever diaper change, in the middle of the night, when she was hungry, whenever, we would wake to a beeping that sounded frightfully similar to a fire alarm. Now all we have to deal with is a baby crying, and that sound is like music compared to that awful beeping. There aren't nurses and respiratory therapists and physical therapists coming each day - it's up to us to make sure Cora is really healthy instead of having her checked constantly by strangers. Cora can wear outfits of Chloe's that were never worn because they weren't conducive to monitors and feeding tubes. Anything with a zipper was out of the question for Chloe, we needed gaps between snaps to let the tubes come out. Instead of hooking up special tubes and feeding and burping her, Cora just latches on, nurses for a bit, then burps heartily before nodding off to sleep. No waking up every 3 hours on the dot to pump more milk into her belly. If she spits up, we clean it up. We don't have to worry about whether her surgery worked properly as we did with Chloe. If we want to go somewhere, we just pack up a diaper bag, put the girls in the car and go. No checking to make sure there's enough oxygen left in the canister, packing feeding tubes and breastmilk jars and heart monitors and whatnot around her, driving somewhere with the fear that she may stop breathing in the middle of traffic and oh my god, what do I do if she does?

Every little thing is so different now. It's easy to forget how hard it was to be a preemie mama. Having Cora reminds me of all the little things we had to do with Chloe that 'normal' mamas just don't have to worry about. Having Cora is SO easy compared to Chloe. Chloe's babyhood was one that we just couldn't enjoy like other parents get to. There was always a worry or fear in the back of your mind. We enjoyed Chloe as fully as we could, but all that added responsibility, especially for two young and inexperienced parents, was so hard! And for the past couple years, amazingly, I've been able to look back on it and just kind of forget all that hard stuff, and only remember the wonderful, happy times, which I'm thankful for. But yeah, it's all coming back to me now, having another infant to care for.

There are some similarities between the two, too. Chloe always hated having her diaper changed - so does Cora. Watching Cora nurse reminds me of when Chloe finally went to breast - the rooting, the 'milk drunk' look in their eyes, the chin quivering and leaking milk out the side of their mouth as they fall asleep. The crazy baby hair in the morning. The look of pure innocence in their eyes. The way they can just listen to your voice and suddenly calm down and relax.

Ahhhh. Babies are so wonderful!

Some pictures

Some pictures of the girls. Can you tell how Chloe is just glowing? :o)




This is a pic of my belly cast, which I realized I never posted. It was actually done at 36 weeks since we didn't know how much longer I'd carry her!



And here's a pic of her inside it :o) I can't believe she actually fit in there!