I've been getting up at 5 am the past few mornings to make up for the hour I've been spending at the gym. It's 9:30 pm and I'm struggling to keep my eyes open right now. Sheesh, I'm old.
'Twas a busy day. Got the girls around, got the house in order, got breakfast done and headed to the gym for the 10 am pilates class. Oh my goodness, I'm in love with pilates. Ah, it just felt so good. My body hurts like a mo-fo now, but in a good way. I'm totally down to do that twice a week. I'm sure eventually I'll be able to sit down to pee again without cringing in pain. LOL
We did the cheerleading thing. I'm still 50/50 on whether or not I should be doing it, but it seemed to go pretty well. Mostly Chloe is in a little group with some of the little girls she already knows and plays with, and the high school girls running the camp are very sweet and peppy and upbeat with great attitudes. She seemed to enjoy herself tonight, so we're going back tomorrow. There are some pretty stiff stipulations though - one hint of a snotty attitude and she won't be going back. I can't say I'd complain - sitting in a high school cafeteria for two hours in the evening, chasing around a toddler isn't my idea of a great time.
I got my passport back today - exactly two weeks from dropping it off. They're quick! Everything is set now for our trip, and there should be anything now to stop us from going and having a great time. We leave February 22.
Andrew is officially losing his weeks off in the middle of February. They'll be doing a "6 and 3" schedule: six days on, three off. Not as much time for big camping and traveling trips, but we can still sneak in a few short ones. I'm disappointed, but I'm trying not to pout about it. At least my husband has a job, and a good one, in such tough economic times.
My grandfather in Kansas City called this evening. My grandma is in the hospital. (This is biological family - found them when I was 19 years old.) She's lost the feeling in her legs, but they aren't sure why. She's in a whole lot of pain. They're talking to a specialist tomorrow who may be able to figure out the problem. I know it's hard for my grandma - they're older, but in relatively good health. She's quite active and I'm sure it's bothering her to be stuck in a hospital bed. I'm very worried about her, and am hoping everything turns out okay. This has happened a couple of other times, and it's hard for me not to pack up and drive out there. In the winter though, that would be less than smart, so I'll sit here and wait for an update tomorrow. If you're the praying type, maybe say a prayer for her... I love her so much.
I had a little chat with Mark this afternoon, letting him know that we would be claiming Chloe on our taxes this year, despite the divorce agreement, and that it would be ludicrous for him to think otherwise. He hasn't paid child support for a year and a half. He agreed to let us claim her without any argument, which seems to be the norm lately. I think he's actually lost all the fight he used to have in him. It's wonderful.
I can't think of anything else to ramble about. I have a bunch of half-finished art and craft projects that I'll probably start posting soon, once I actually finish something. I Tivo-ed the Inauguration speech with the intention of watching it tonight, but I'm so flippin' tired I think I'll just go to bed.
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Squee!
When we went to see Twilight in the theater a couple of weeks ago, I couldn't help but notice all of the wonderful knitted items the actors were wearing, and I was enthralled with Bella's mittens. I've been lusting after them ever since, but didn't figure I'd ever be able to suss out a pattern for them, and then..... ta da! Check these out. Aren't they awesome!? I NEED those mittens. I've knitted so many things for other people lately, I've decided I deserve to make something for myself.
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Chloe went to Mark's Friday night, and got home Saturday morning. I asked her "How was your dad's house", just like I always do. She said "Good, but we didn't go to my dad's house. We spent the night at silver Grammy's house." Then she laughed, "It was funny. Even B was there." B is the cat. Now, is it just me, or is it a little strange that they would take the cat over there for a slumber party? I asked her some other questions: Were all of her things there? She said most of her things were in Grammy's garage, but all of Quinn's toys were there. Hmm. That coupled with the fact that he recently got a cell phone, which I just realized is his mother's old cell number helped me put two and two together.
He's living with his mother now, along with his girlfriend and their baby. I called him to confirm it. His reason? "My mom was having a hard time paying all of her bills, so we moved in to help her out." Oh, for the love of God, why can't he at LEAST accept responsibility for himself and stop putting everything on someone else? I'm kind of in shock, I'm kind of gloating, and I'm kind of irritated. I can't help but snicker a little bit, ya know? When he and I were married, we'd just bought a house. I had to drag him out of bed, force him to look for work, but I did, and we got along alright. As soon as I left, he lost the house, lost his car, eventually got evicted from one apartment, and now apparently lost another. He has very little left in his life. I wonder how long his girlfriend will hold out before she realizes he's a loser and leaves him.
He asked yesterday if he could have Chloe during the day for awhile on Christmas Eve. I told him I'd check our schedule and get back to him, then called him later to tell him he could have her the day after Christmas instead. He didn't argue. He's given up on thinking he has any rights, I think. He hasn't paid child support in a year, so it's up to like 3 grand. He's never provided health insurance for her, like the court order says he has to. And ya know, the more I stand up to him and tell him how it's going to be, the easier it gets. For five years I tiptoed around, doing everything I could to keep him happy so I wouldn't have to deal with the stormy little tantrums he'd have. It's taken some practice for me to realize I dont' have to do that any more. And it feels great.
===
Chloe went to Mark's Friday night, and got home Saturday morning. I asked her "How was your dad's house", just like I always do. She said "Good, but we didn't go to my dad's house. We spent the night at silver Grammy's house." Then she laughed, "It was funny. Even B was there." B is the cat. Now, is it just me, or is it a little strange that they would take the cat over there for a slumber party? I asked her some other questions: Were all of her things there? She said most of her things were in Grammy's garage, but all of Quinn's toys were there. Hmm. That coupled with the fact that he recently got a cell phone, which I just realized is his mother's old cell number helped me put two and two together.
He's living with his mother now, along with his girlfriend and their baby. I called him to confirm it. His reason? "My mom was having a hard time paying all of her bills, so we moved in to help her out." Oh, for the love of God, why can't he at LEAST accept responsibility for himself and stop putting everything on someone else? I'm kind of in shock, I'm kind of gloating, and I'm kind of irritated. I can't help but snicker a little bit, ya know? When he and I were married, we'd just bought a house. I had to drag him out of bed, force him to look for work, but I did, and we got along alright. As soon as I left, he lost the house, lost his car, eventually got evicted from one apartment, and now apparently lost another. He has very little left in his life. I wonder how long his girlfriend will hold out before she realizes he's a loser and leaves him.
He asked yesterday if he could have Chloe during the day for awhile on Christmas Eve. I told him I'd check our schedule and get back to him, then called him later to tell him he could have her the day after Christmas instead. He didn't argue. He's given up on thinking he has any rights, I think. He hasn't paid child support in a year, so it's up to like 3 grand. He's never provided health insurance for her, like the court order says he has to. And ya know, the more I stand up to him and tell him how it's going to be, the easier it gets. For five years I tiptoed around, doing everything I could to keep him happy so I wouldn't have to deal with the stormy little tantrums he'd have. It's taken some practice for me to realize I dont' have to do that any more. And it feels great.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Is it selfish...?
Chloe's two bottom teeth are about ready to fall out. I'm so excited for her, that's a huge milestone.
And I was anxious all evening that she'd lose them while she was at Mark's last night. I just don't think he deserves to experience that milestone, or any others, with her. And I don't think I should have to miss them on account of him.
Is that selfish?
Yes, he called, finally, a week or so ago. He told me he'd been out of town for work for three weeks, but that he'd called and left a message on my phone. I can't tell you how many times he's said that, but there's never any message. I told him "Verizon must really have something against you personally, since they never seem to deliver your messages to me, because I get every other message that is left." He didn't think that was funny.
I'm not sure if I blogged after he called that day or not. But suffice it to say, I ripped him a new one. I never stand up to him, I always just do whatever it takes to keep the peace. but that day I was really mad, and I finally let him have it. I think he was surprised.
So he had her Thursday night and last night, and is supposed to have her back at 9:30. Yesterday morning I told him to drop her off no later than 8:45, as school starts at 9:00 in our house. He dropped her off around 9:15. He has no concept of "on time" and that irritates me. We'll see how he does today. I'm sure he'll want her again tonight, and through Sunday, but it's not happening - I just have to make sure I have the courage to tell him so. :o)
And I was anxious all evening that she'd lose them while she was at Mark's last night. I just don't think he deserves to experience that milestone, or any others, with her. And I don't think I should have to miss them on account of him.
Is that selfish?
Yes, he called, finally, a week or so ago. He told me he'd been out of town for work for three weeks, but that he'd called and left a message on my phone. I can't tell you how many times he's said that, but there's never any message. I told him "Verizon must really have something against you personally, since they never seem to deliver your messages to me, because I get every other message that is left." He didn't think that was funny.
I'm not sure if I blogged after he called that day or not. But suffice it to say, I ripped him a new one. I never stand up to him, I always just do whatever it takes to keep the peace. but that day I was really mad, and I finally let him have it. I think he was surprised.
So he had her Thursday night and last night, and is supposed to have her back at 9:30. Yesterday morning I told him to drop her off no later than 8:45, as school starts at 9:00 in our house. He dropped her off around 9:15. He has no concept of "on time" and that irritates me. We'll see how he does today. I'm sure he'll want her again tonight, and through Sunday, but it's not happening - I just have to make sure I have the courage to tell him so. :o)
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Five year old fear
Chloe is afraid of EVERYTHING. Well, not everything - she's not afraid of bugs like I am. :o) But she has a lot of fears that don't make much sense, and really frustrated me and put a damper on our lives.
When I took her to the fair, she was afraid of pretty much every ride. She's terrified of heights, which means she's been rescued from playground equipment several times. The other day we went to Michael's, and we had to walk near the Halloween decorations. She screamed so loud I'm sure the other customers thought I was actually murdering her right there in the store. We had to leave, she was really scared of them. She informed me that day that she doesn't want to go trick-or-treating this year because she doesn't want to see scary decorations. She just wants to stay home on Halloween.
She doesn't sleep in her own bed because she's afraid there are monsters. She's afraid of the dark and won't go in the hallway at night if the light is off. She's afraid of balloons so much that she won't go to parties or into a party store. She's afraid of the swings at the playground, and if someone on our swingset swings her too high she's in tears and won't play again. There are a lot of times she ends up sitting with me instead of playing with other kids because she's afraid of playground equipment - especially the kind at McDonald's. She doesn't complain about not playing, and she enjoys watching the other kids, but she just sits there, and it makes me sad for her.
I've been worried lately about all of these fears. I know that when you're five, it's hard to distinguish real things from pretend things (the Halloween decorations, fear of monsters, etc.) It just seems like she's more afraid than most kids are, of a lot more things. I don't want these fears to stand in her way of really enjoying life.
Last night I was flipping through "Love for a Lifetime" by James Dobson, a book I bought for my sister-in-law. There's a section where he talks about divorce statistics (which really are terrifying) and talks about the effect of divorce on children. One statistic said 90% of children that are the product of a divorce have irrational fears.
Hmm... I wonder if that's a part of it.
He also claimed that after 3 years, most fathers no longer visited their children. It's been almost a month now since Mark has called to talk to or see Chloe. I've been worried about that too - am I supposed to call him? Ask him what the f* he is doing, abandoning her this way? It's not like I want him in her life - I hate the things she learns from him, the influence he has on her. But he is her father, after all, and she knows it and asks often why he doesn't call or come pick her up anymore.
It was my hope that having Andrew in her life would make the divorce easier, somehow. She still has a man in her life, a father-figure, that loves her very much and is a good influence on her. We do things as a family now, whereas when I was married to Mark, we didn't. But even though he's a better father, Andrew won't replace Mark, not in her heart, not in her mind.
I think now that she's a little bit older, she's capable of putting two and two together, she understands a lot more than she did when she was three, and she's thinking her own thoughts on the subject. Unfortunately, she doesn't want to or doesn't know how to share the thoughts with me.
I hate that she's in the middle of this, that she has to deal with having a mom and dad who are divorced. It's not fair to any kid. I think at the time, she handled it so well that I was convinced it wouldn't be that difficult of a transition. But now, two and a half years later, it seems to be catching up with us, and I'm not sure how to approach it all.
Any advice? Should I call Mark and ask him what's going on, or just let him fall away from our lives? Do I coddle her and comfort her when she's afraid of silly things, or should I push her to get over the fears? :::sigh::: Poor kid.
When I took her to the fair, she was afraid of pretty much every ride. She's terrified of heights, which means she's been rescued from playground equipment several times. The other day we went to Michael's, and we had to walk near the Halloween decorations. She screamed so loud I'm sure the other customers thought I was actually murdering her right there in the store. We had to leave, she was really scared of them. She informed me that day that she doesn't want to go trick-or-treating this year because she doesn't want to see scary decorations. She just wants to stay home on Halloween.
She doesn't sleep in her own bed because she's afraid there are monsters. She's afraid of the dark and won't go in the hallway at night if the light is off. She's afraid of balloons so much that she won't go to parties or into a party store. She's afraid of the swings at the playground, and if someone on our swingset swings her too high she's in tears and won't play again. There are a lot of times she ends up sitting with me instead of playing with other kids because she's afraid of playground equipment - especially the kind at McDonald's. She doesn't complain about not playing, and she enjoys watching the other kids, but she just sits there, and it makes me sad for her.
I've been worried lately about all of these fears. I know that when you're five, it's hard to distinguish real things from pretend things (the Halloween decorations, fear of monsters, etc.) It just seems like she's more afraid than most kids are, of a lot more things. I don't want these fears to stand in her way of really enjoying life.
Last night I was flipping through "Love for a Lifetime" by James Dobson, a book I bought for my sister-in-law. There's a section where he talks about divorce statistics (which really are terrifying) and talks about the effect of divorce on children. One statistic said 90% of children that are the product of a divorce have irrational fears.
Hmm... I wonder if that's a part of it.
He also claimed that after 3 years, most fathers no longer visited their children. It's been almost a month now since Mark has called to talk to or see Chloe. I've been worried about that too - am I supposed to call him? Ask him what the f* he is doing, abandoning her this way? It's not like I want him in her life - I hate the things she learns from him, the influence he has on her. But he is her father, after all, and she knows it and asks often why he doesn't call or come pick her up anymore.
It was my hope that having Andrew in her life would make the divorce easier, somehow. She still has a man in her life, a father-figure, that loves her very much and is a good influence on her. We do things as a family now, whereas when I was married to Mark, we didn't. But even though he's a better father, Andrew won't replace Mark, not in her heart, not in her mind.
I think now that she's a little bit older, she's capable of putting two and two together, she understands a lot more than she did when she was three, and she's thinking her own thoughts on the subject. Unfortunately, she doesn't want to or doesn't know how to share the thoughts with me.
I hate that she's in the middle of this, that she has to deal with having a mom and dad who are divorced. It's not fair to any kid. I think at the time, she handled it so well that I was convinced it wouldn't be that difficult of a transition. But now, two and a half years later, it seems to be catching up with us, and I'm not sure how to approach it all.
Any advice? Should I call Mark and ask him what's going on, or just let him fall away from our lives? Do I coddle her and comfort her when she's afraid of silly things, or should I push her to get over the fears? :::sigh::: Poor kid.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Dealing with Mark. (again)
I love to watch my children sleep. Perhaps it is the fact that they have an almost unfathomable amount of collective energy that, by evening, has me exhausted and ragged, and then they turn into such peaceful little beings. They're just such beautiful little girls. :-)
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So I'm (as usual) frustrated with Mark, Chloe's real dad. He got fired from his job a couple weeks ago (again), this time for sexual harassment and possibly stealing. Therefore, he's not paying child support again. What he told me was that he had to put in his two weeks notice because his job was just so stressful that it was detrimental to his health. He worked at a flippin' shoe store. How stressful can that be, really? Anyhow, so now he's trying to find a new job, only (his words) "They all say he's over-qualified for their positions". Ha f-ing ha. Seriously, it was all I could do not to laugh in his face. Surely it's not because the interviewer can tell within three minutes of him opening his mouth that he's an idiot? Nah, that couldn't be it.
So he was supposed to have Chloe yesterday. He said he'd be ready for her around 1:00 and would call. (His car broke down and he doesn't have money to fix it, so I have to drive her now.) He never did call. At 5:30 I decided to heck with it and we went to McDonald's and took it to the park to have a dinner picnic and play. He called at 6:30 asking "What's up?" I told him I didn't feel like waiting around for him to call anymore so we went and did something. He said "Well, I tried to call you at 1, but you didn't answer and never called me back." Apparently, Verizon just hates Mark, because this has happened several times. Now, when anyone else calls, my phone says "MISSED CALL" and if they leave a voicemail it says "NEW VOICEMAIL." But with Mark, my phone company has a personal vendetta against him and won't tell me that he has called. Either that, or he's lying. Hmm. So he managed once again to try and turn it around to be my fault, which he does in every situation and always has.
It's just flipping draining to deal with him. He tries to make something my fault, and when I call him on it and let him know how it really is, he gets all pouty and develops this attitude reminiscent of my teenage years and says things like "Whatever dude" and gets all stormy and mad. (This is what I dealt with for five years before our divorce. Is there any wonder why I left? It took two years just to realize everything really isn't my fault.)
Right now, he's expecting me to drop Chloe off whenever he calls today. Except that the Olathe Sweet Corn festival is today, going until late this evening, and I think we're going. So he's going to call, and I'll just tell him I won't be dropping her off. I bend over flipping backwards for him, always making sure he has Chloe whenever it's convenient for him, and I can't figure out why I do except that I like to keep the peace. He hasn't kept up one iota of his end of the court-ordered bargain: he doesn't pay child support (he's 8 months behind now, if you count August.) He doesn't carry her medical insurance (and never did, though lied about it for a year.) He doesn't show up when he's supposed to to pick her up, and now expects me to drop her off. BUT he still claims her on his taxes (how is that fair?) And yet still, I do everything I can to keep him happy, just like when we were married. He's like a ticking bomb, you never know what might set him off, so you just tiptoe around and try not to do anything to upset him.
But I think I'm done with that. I need to muster up the balls to tell him I'm not going to walk his little tightrope anymore, that he can start holding up his end of the bargain or he can stop expecting to see Chloe whenever he feels like it's convenient.
---On a side note, Chloe's making a "Me" book, where she uses pictures of the family and then writes about them, with help. When we got to Andrew, I wrote underneath, "This is _____. He is my _____." She asked if she could write "Dad" instead of Step-dad. I told her it was up to her, and she said "Well, he acts like a dad, and I love him like he's my regular dad, so I'm just going to say he's my dad." :o)
===
I'm posting two other pictures of my baby girl, because she's cute.
I'm not usually one to just stick her in front of a movie, but one night, after a day of just fussing and whining and crying (and probably teething) I was desperate for just half an hour of quiet. So I turned on a movie, let her sit in her recliner, and she's was a happy camper.
Silly baby is starting to climb.... she struggled a little with getting out though, once she got in.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
This n That
Andrew's gone for the week with work. I decided instead of pouting about it and feeling overwhelmed, I'd just enjoy the time with the girls. Last night, after playing outside, we went to Blockbuster to pick out some movies. Then I gave them a long bath with lots of playing and splashing, and we piled onto our bed to watch Brother Bear 2 on the laptop. Cora went to sleep, but Chloe stayed up to watch the whole darn thing - didn't go to bed til 10:00. I hope that kid sleeps late this morning!
===
Speaking of staying up late, I think she keeps very different hours while she's at Mark's. She was exhausted yesterday while we had her friend Alyssa over to play, and wasn't very nice to her. And as soon as they left, Chloe took a nap for three hours. Poor kid.
And on the subject of Mark... he lost his job again, last week. He told me he put in his two weeks because his job was too stressful. Someone from his workplace said he got fired for harassment. Awesome. So he's unemployed again. I'm not sure how he'll survive, it's not like he has savings or anything. But whatever, I guess that's not my problem. I just don't want him living with his mother, because I don't like her around Chloe any more than necessary. But he may already be, from what Chloe's said. Argh. I wish she was Andrew's.
===
I turned some stuff in at the fair for open class. I completely missed the deadline, realized it the day after. So when I was with my mom on Sunday, I had her stop by our house so I could grab some things and go and beg them to take them. I did a hat, sweater and scarf. I ended up getting one blue ribbon and two reds. I could've pulled off three blue (or more, if I'd been more prepared) but my stuff was all wadded up and not all freshly blocked and such, and didn't look spectacular. Ah well. I tried. I turned in some pickled asparagus too, but don't know the result on that one yet. I'm hoping we'll be able to pick up Alyssa tomorrow night and take both girls to the carnival rides at the fair. We did that last year and they had a wonderful time. Much better than me trying to fit my wide behind in those kiddie rides!
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I harvested some green beans the other day. Five of them. ;o) One three of my original green bean plants are producing now. I have about 25 more that should be producing at the end of August through till frost. I steamed the green beans and chopped them up for Cora. My first big tomato is just about red - might be ready to pick today or tomorrow. I'm thrilled. I"ve tossed a dozen now to blossom end rot, but this one hasn't rotted yet. Hopefully I can get it picked before it does! There are a good 3 dozen smaller tomatoes still growing and waiting to turn. I could have a pretty good crop this year. The corn looks pitiful, it's all yellowing and falling. Not sure what happened, and can't tell if we'll get any corn from it this year. The beans growing around it look great though. I have some baby bell peppers finally, and my grape tomatoes are going crazy, taking over my whole garden and about a foot taller than me now. I get 10 or so grape tomatoes each day. And that's the garden news.
I ordered 40 pounds of peaches yesterday from a local orchard. They'll let me know when they're ready for pick up, probably in a couple of weeks. I intend to can 20 pounds to use in cobblers and pies, make a batch of peach salsa, freeze 10 pounds, and eat some too. It'll be a lot of work, but I really love that kind of work, and I'll love eating peach cobbler with tree-ripe, home canned peaches all winter long.
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And I can't think of anything else to ramble incessantly about, so I suppose I'll close this now and go work on a little sewing project I started before my kids wake up.
===
Speaking of staying up late, I think she keeps very different hours while she's at Mark's. She was exhausted yesterday while we had her friend Alyssa over to play, and wasn't very nice to her. And as soon as they left, Chloe took a nap for three hours. Poor kid.
And on the subject of Mark... he lost his job again, last week. He told me he put in his two weeks because his job was too stressful. Someone from his workplace said he got fired for harassment. Awesome. So he's unemployed again. I'm not sure how he'll survive, it's not like he has savings or anything. But whatever, I guess that's not my problem. I just don't want him living with his mother, because I don't like her around Chloe any more than necessary. But he may already be, from what Chloe's said. Argh. I wish she was Andrew's.
===
I turned some stuff in at the fair for open class. I completely missed the deadline, realized it the day after. So when I was with my mom on Sunday, I had her stop by our house so I could grab some things and go and beg them to take them. I did a hat, sweater and scarf. I ended up getting one blue ribbon and two reds. I could've pulled off three blue (or more, if I'd been more prepared) but my stuff was all wadded up and not all freshly blocked and such, and didn't look spectacular. Ah well. I tried. I turned in some pickled asparagus too, but don't know the result on that one yet. I'm hoping we'll be able to pick up Alyssa tomorrow night and take both girls to the carnival rides at the fair. We did that last year and they had a wonderful time. Much better than me trying to fit my wide behind in those kiddie rides!
===
I harvested some green beans the other day. Five of them. ;o) One three of my original green bean plants are producing now. I have about 25 more that should be producing at the end of August through till frost. I steamed the green beans and chopped them up for Cora. My first big tomato is just about red - might be ready to pick today or tomorrow. I'm thrilled. I"ve tossed a dozen now to blossom end rot, but this one hasn't rotted yet. Hopefully I can get it picked before it does! There are a good 3 dozen smaller tomatoes still growing and waiting to turn. I could have a pretty good crop this year. The corn looks pitiful, it's all yellowing and falling. Not sure what happened, and can't tell if we'll get any corn from it this year. The beans growing around it look great though. I have some baby bell peppers finally, and my grape tomatoes are going crazy, taking over my whole garden and about a foot taller than me now. I get 10 or so grape tomatoes each day. And that's the garden news.
I ordered 40 pounds of peaches yesterday from a local orchard. They'll let me know when they're ready for pick up, probably in a couple of weeks. I intend to can 20 pounds to use in cobblers and pies, make a batch of peach salsa, freeze 10 pounds, and eat some too. It'll be a lot of work, but I really love that kind of work, and I'll love eating peach cobbler with tree-ripe, home canned peaches all winter long.
===
And I can't think of anything else to ramble incessantly about, so I suppose I'll close this now and go work on a little sewing project I started before my kids wake up.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
He's an idiot!
Oy! Where to start?
I'm frustrated with Mark. (I'm always frustrated with him, no?) But I don't generally dwell on it. I don't have the energy or desire to dwell on things that suck, so I usually just suck it up and let it go. But I'm dwelling right now. Things with him are piling up, slowly but surely, and I'm trying to not think about it, but it's not working out very well.
First is this whole Singapore thing. Did I write about that? He wants to take Chloe to Singapore in January, to visit his girlfriends family. Over my dead body! He is NOT under ANY circumstances taking my baby girl half way across the f-ing GLOBE to visit ANYONE! Thankfully, she would require a passport, and there is essentially no way he can obtain a passport for her without my notarized signature. He asked me about it - I told him I had concerns but that I would think about it. I don't have to tell him right away that there's no way in hell I'd ever even consider it. Chloe will be upset with me, but at five years old, heck, let her be upset.
And then there's the fact that he hasn't paid child support in 6 months now. I told him today I need a day when I can expect it. I feel like a collections agent. He told me the 27th of June, he'll pay one month's worth of child support, and after that he'll pay an extra $125. That means he'll be caught up by..... NEXT June. And of course, that's IF he pays each month, which is not terribly likely. I told Andrew I was going to talk to Mark about paying, that he needed to, and soon. Andrew said he'd just as soon sign papers to adopt Chloe and then Mark wouldn't have to worry about paying anything anymore. I love my husband. :o) I love that he loves my baby girl as much as if she were his own. He's a wonderful man.
So Mark's car is broke. Not sure what happened, but it doesn't work anymore. So he's driving his aunt's truck. It's this beat up old 1980's pickup. As with most pickups, it has 3 seatbelts across the bench seat. For whatever reason, he sees no reason to put her in a carseat anymore, even though the law says he has to. And if their whole family is going somewhere, she shares a seatbelt with Felicia. Awesome. He drives like an asshole, she's not properly secured in the vehicle. I asked him about it, and he told me exactly what the seatbelt arrangement is. I told him that's not legal, nor is it safe. Then I called the police. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do. I'd have to go to court and get a court order saying he has to put her in her own seatbelt, in a car seat. So in essence, I'd have to spend several weeks getting a court order to say he's legally required to obey the law. WTF? But the police can't do anything about it, unless they happen to pull him over for something else and notice that she's not properly restrained.
So my current plan is to type up some documents, one stating that she will NOT be vaccinated for personal philosophical reasons, the other that she WILL be homeschooled, by me, and I'm going to have him sign them, with my dad - who is a notary - present, to have it all legally notarized. Those are the two things I can see him using against me out of spite. Once I've got that, I'll look into court proceedings regarding delinquent child support and then this whole order to obey the law crap. I don't want to do this. I really don't, because it's a pain in the ass, honestly, but he can't just keep not keeping up his end of the bargain. Or better yet, he's welcome to stop keeping up his end, and we'll just take Chloe full time. It's not like he does her any good anyway, he's a terrible influence. Did I mention the whole "eat the crap out of you" thing? She told her friend she was going to "Eat the crap out of her" when she was mad. I asked her about it, she said her dad says it. Lovely. She's good, at least, about not saying things once she's told not to. I just don't make a big deal out of it. But still! What the hell is he teaching her?? (Of course, with my language so far in this post, I'm sure you're thinking the same about me! I promise, I'm much more careful around five year old little ears.)
Add to that the fact that I'm watching my little baby crawl around and happily destroy my craft room, and I'm just so BLAH right now. She's growing up so fast! How did this happen? It's exciting, but so sad at the same time.
:::sigh::: I'm going to go knit. And make my baby giggle. And stop dwelling on icky stuff! I'm usually really, really good at thinking positively. Maybe it's just hormones....
I'm frustrated with Mark. (I'm always frustrated with him, no?) But I don't generally dwell on it. I don't have the energy or desire to dwell on things that suck, so I usually just suck it up and let it go. But I'm dwelling right now. Things with him are piling up, slowly but surely, and I'm trying to not think about it, but it's not working out very well.
First is this whole Singapore thing. Did I write about that? He wants to take Chloe to Singapore in January, to visit his girlfriends family. Over my dead body! He is NOT under ANY circumstances taking my baby girl half way across the f-ing GLOBE to visit ANYONE! Thankfully, she would require a passport, and there is essentially no way he can obtain a passport for her without my notarized signature. He asked me about it - I told him I had concerns but that I would think about it. I don't have to tell him right away that there's no way in hell I'd ever even consider it. Chloe will be upset with me, but at five years old, heck, let her be upset.
And then there's the fact that he hasn't paid child support in 6 months now. I told him today I need a day when I can expect it. I feel like a collections agent. He told me the 27th of June, he'll pay one month's worth of child support, and after that he'll pay an extra $125. That means he'll be caught up by..... NEXT June. And of course, that's IF he pays each month, which is not terribly likely. I told Andrew I was going to talk to Mark about paying, that he needed to, and soon. Andrew said he'd just as soon sign papers to adopt Chloe and then Mark wouldn't have to worry about paying anything anymore. I love my husband. :o) I love that he loves my baby girl as much as if she were his own. He's a wonderful man.
So Mark's car is broke. Not sure what happened, but it doesn't work anymore. So he's driving his aunt's truck. It's this beat up old 1980's pickup. As with most pickups, it has 3 seatbelts across the bench seat. For whatever reason, he sees no reason to put her in a carseat anymore, even though the law says he has to. And if their whole family is going somewhere, she shares a seatbelt with Felicia. Awesome. He drives like an asshole, she's not properly secured in the vehicle. I asked him about it, and he told me exactly what the seatbelt arrangement is. I told him that's not legal, nor is it safe. Then I called the police. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do. I'd have to go to court and get a court order saying he has to put her in her own seatbelt, in a car seat. So in essence, I'd have to spend several weeks getting a court order to say he's legally required to obey the law. WTF? But the police can't do anything about it, unless they happen to pull him over for something else and notice that she's not properly restrained.
So my current plan is to type up some documents, one stating that she will NOT be vaccinated for personal philosophical reasons, the other that she WILL be homeschooled, by me, and I'm going to have him sign them, with my dad - who is a notary - present, to have it all legally notarized. Those are the two things I can see him using against me out of spite. Once I've got that, I'll look into court proceedings regarding delinquent child support and then this whole order to obey the law crap. I don't want to do this. I really don't, because it's a pain in the ass, honestly, but he can't just keep not keeping up his end of the bargain. Or better yet, he's welcome to stop keeping up his end, and we'll just take Chloe full time. It's not like he does her any good anyway, he's a terrible influence. Did I mention the whole "eat the crap out of you" thing? She told her friend she was going to "Eat the crap out of her" when she was mad. I asked her about it, she said her dad says it. Lovely. She's good, at least, about not saying things once she's told not to. I just don't make a big deal out of it. But still! What the hell is he teaching her?? (Of course, with my language so far in this post, I'm sure you're thinking the same about me! I promise, I'm much more careful around five year old little ears.)
Add to that the fact that I'm watching my little baby crawl around and happily destroy my craft room, and I'm just so BLAH right now. She's growing up so fast! How did this happen? It's exciting, but so sad at the same time.
:::sigh::: I'm going to go knit. And make my baby giggle. And stop dwelling on icky stuff! I'm usually really, really good at thinking positively. Maybe it's just hormones....
Friday, April 11, 2008
Ugh - Mark again
So Mark's work hours are evening out. For the past month or so, he's only seen Chloe twice. I've rather liked it that way. But now that his schedule is more stable, he's seeing her more. He had her yesterday afternoon and has her tonight. He'll probably have her Sunday as well.
My biggest problem with her visiting him is that she turns into a demon child upon returning from his house. I wish I knew what it was that caused it, but it's crazy. She cries at every little thing, talks back, has a stinky attitude and is just cranky. And when I finally get her all straightened out and happy again, she has to go back. Argh! It's just so frustrating.
Apparently their apartment building is being sold so they have to find a new place. Lovely - let's just keep tossing more change at the poor kid! If he could've just kept it together enough and not lost his house, we wouldn't have this problem.
And he's behind 5 months now on child support. I asked him when he intends to start paying it again, he said he wasn't sure. I'm about ready to take him back to court, but I hate causing more animosity.
I wish he'd just move to Singapore....
My biggest problem with her visiting him is that she turns into a demon child upon returning from his house. I wish I knew what it was that caused it, but it's crazy. She cries at every little thing, talks back, has a stinky attitude and is just cranky. And when I finally get her all straightened out and happy again, she has to go back. Argh! It's just so frustrating.
Apparently their apartment building is being sold so they have to find a new place. Lovely - let's just keep tossing more change at the poor kid! If he could've just kept it together enough and not lost his house, we wouldn't have this problem.
And he's behind 5 months now on child support. I asked him when he intends to start paying it again, he said he wasn't sure. I'm about ready to take him back to court, but I hate causing more animosity.
I wish he'd just move to Singapore....
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Some rambling
I haven't blogged much lately. Amazingly, I don't have much to say. That never happens!
Mark apparently forgot last night was his night with Chloe. He never called, never picked her up. I wonder if he'll pick her up today or not. He got a new job working at the shoe store in the mall and I'm not sure what his hours and days off will be yet. Yeah, the shoe store. Not to knock shoe salesmen at all - hey, everyone's gotta do something - but I can't imagine a mall job is really going to support a family very well. Ah well, it's not my concern anymore (thank goodness!)
His girlfriend keeps blogging about moving back to Singapore. I hope they really do, and I hope he doesn't have any intention of seeing Chloe more than once a year for two weeks in the summer, because that's about all I will agree to. That would be fine with me though!
===
I bought a baby monitor. I had one with Chloe, but never did use it. Now I'm trying to figure out how I survived so long without one. These things are so great! Before, I used to watch AI in the basement, and during and after every performance I would pause it, and listen intently for the sound of a baby awake. Now, I have my handy dandy little receiver and I can hear her right away. So flippin' cool. Yes, I know, everyone has one. I'm a little late in the game. But I'm excited nonetheless. An added bonus is that if it's after bed time, I can hear Dolly Parton and her Butterfly song in the background no matter where I'm at in the house. ;o)
===
I'm still trying to finish these Trekking socks. I think maybe I'll save them as a gift for someone, though I don't know anyone who would actually WANT this colorway. Socks are a two-week project for me now, which is awesome, because they used to take a month or longer.
===
Cora's ready for solids. I thought I'd delay solids till closer to a year, but she's pretty ready. She's had bananas a few times here and there, but nothing on a regular basis. I also give her a mesh feeder with apples or pears, and she likes to gnaw on carrot sticks. But I'm thinking it's time to try more stuff with her. I'm so not ready for solids yet. My baby is growing up so fast!
===
The in-laws have agreed to cat-sit for us. Bwahahaha they have no idea what a little shit head our cat is. :o) He's such a little terror... but so cute and friendly, you just have to forgive him. LOL Hopefully, he doesn't destroy their house while he's visiting.... or maybe I should hope he does, just for fun. :oX
Isabel will be going to the next door neighbors' house for the week we're in California. They are brave, brave people, but I'm sure she'll do fine. They have three large dogs themselves, so heck, what's one more? They have a doggie door - my dog has free access to their house when she's there. Are they crazy? haha Nah, they just love dogs. She'll be much happier there than in the kennel locked in a cage.
===
I desperately want my house clean before we leave, and it seems no matter how hard I try, it never looks better. Oh wait, that's what I say every time I blog about my house and cleaning it. Ah well, I'll just do my best. I love spring/summer/fall - I can just send Chloe outside and leave her out there all day, so my house isn't getting dirtier inside. The problem with the nice weather is that I want to be out there too, and sitting outside on a blanket makes it hard to get anything done inside. ;o)
===
Happy Thursday to all!
Mark apparently forgot last night was his night with Chloe. He never called, never picked her up. I wonder if he'll pick her up today or not. He got a new job working at the shoe store in the mall and I'm not sure what his hours and days off will be yet. Yeah, the shoe store. Not to knock shoe salesmen at all - hey, everyone's gotta do something - but I can't imagine a mall job is really going to support a family very well. Ah well, it's not my concern anymore (thank goodness!)
His girlfriend keeps blogging about moving back to Singapore. I hope they really do, and I hope he doesn't have any intention of seeing Chloe more than once a year for two weeks in the summer, because that's about all I will agree to. That would be fine with me though!
===
I bought a baby monitor. I had one with Chloe, but never did use it. Now I'm trying to figure out how I survived so long without one. These things are so great! Before, I used to watch AI in the basement, and during and after every performance I would pause it, and listen intently for the sound of a baby awake. Now, I have my handy dandy little receiver and I can hear her right away. So flippin' cool. Yes, I know, everyone has one. I'm a little late in the game. But I'm excited nonetheless. An added bonus is that if it's after bed time, I can hear Dolly Parton and her Butterfly song in the background no matter where I'm at in the house. ;o)
===
I'm still trying to finish these Trekking socks. I think maybe I'll save them as a gift for someone, though I don't know anyone who would actually WANT this colorway. Socks are a two-week project for me now, which is awesome, because they used to take a month or longer.
===
Cora's ready for solids. I thought I'd delay solids till closer to a year, but she's pretty ready. She's had bananas a few times here and there, but nothing on a regular basis. I also give her a mesh feeder with apples or pears, and she likes to gnaw on carrot sticks. But I'm thinking it's time to try more stuff with her. I'm so not ready for solids yet. My baby is growing up so fast!
===
The in-laws have agreed to cat-sit for us. Bwahahaha they have no idea what a little shit head our cat is. :o) He's such a little terror... but so cute and friendly, you just have to forgive him. LOL Hopefully, he doesn't destroy their house while he's visiting.... or maybe I should hope he does, just for fun. :oX
Isabel will be going to the next door neighbors' house for the week we're in California. They are brave, brave people, but I'm sure she'll do fine. They have three large dogs themselves, so heck, what's one more? They have a doggie door - my dog has free access to their house when she's there. Are they crazy? haha Nah, they just love dogs. She'll be much happier there than in the kennel locked in a cage.
===
I desperately want my house clean before we leave, and it seems no matter how hard I try, it never looks better. Oh wait, that's what I say every time I blog about my house and cleaning it. Ah well, I'll just do my best. I love spring/summer/fall - I can just send Chloe outside and leave her out there all day, so my house isn't getting dirtier inside. The problem with the nice weather is that I want to be out there too, and sitting outside on a blanket makes it hard to get anything done inside. ;o)
===
Happy Thursday to all!
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Gossip
I thought I'd blog a bit about the latest gossip about my ex husband, because I thought you all would be fascinated by it. Okay, not really - I'm just thinking about it, so it has become the subject of this blog.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Blah....
I'm just not in the mood to do anything today. Chloe's supposed to have a make-up class for ballet at 11:00, but I'm not sure we're gonna go. Cora's face still looks yucky, and i don't really want to take her out in public. :o( That, and I just don't feel like going.
Impetigo really sucks. It's spread to four other places now. I keep cleaning it and putting more ointment on it, and I'm keeping a bandaid over the main part and socks or mittens on her hands so she can't scratch it and spread it more, but - ugh! I can't decide if it's getting better or not. The littlest areas are starting to heal but the big one on the side of her face looks just as bad as it did Tuesday. My poor baby. I think she got it from my parents' house - they have strep, and that's the virus that causes impetigo. So we're staying away from them till they're all better.
Andrew's out of town again - he left yesterday afternoon, hopefully will be back sometime late tonight, though I'm not sure when. He only got a couple hours' sleep last night, and I hate the thought of him driving mountain passes and winding canyon roads on such little sleep.
I'm kind of annoyed with the fact that Mark is supposed to have Chloe on Halloween, as well as the day of the Eagles' Halloween party. I'm not sure he'll even take her to the Halloween party, but hopefully he'll take her trick or treating, if we don't go together again. I hate working stuff like that out. I hate sharing her. The other day when she got back from his house she told me she was crying there because she missed me and wanted to come home. :o( That makes me both happy and sad - I hate to think of her missing me, but I'm glad she does, ya know? After all this time, it still kills me to have to send her back to his house all the time. I guess you never really get used to it, huh?
Blah. i should get up and start cleaning. I'd like to do something fun with Chloe today, and I'd also like to do some scrapbooking if Cora will let me. I'm so behind with my scrapbooks!
Impetigo really sucks. It's spread to four other places now. I keep cleaning it and putting more ointment on it, and I'm keeping a bandaid over the main part and socks or mittens on her hands so she can't scratch it and spread it more, but - ugh! I can't decide if it's getting better or not. The littlest areas are starting to heal but the big one on the side of her face looks just as bad as it did Tuesday. My poor baby. I think she got it from my parents' house - they have strep, and that's the virus that causes impetigo. So we're staying away from them till they're all better.
Andrew's out of town again - he left yesterday afternoon, hopefully will be back sometime late tonight, though I'm not sure when. He only got a couple hours' sleep last night, and I hate the thought of him driving mountain passes and winding canyon roads on such little sleep.
I'm kind of annoyed with the fact that Mark is supposed to have Chloe on Halloween, as well as the day of the Eagles' Halloween party. I'm not sure he'll even take her to the Halloween party, but hopefully he'll take her trick or treating, if we don't go together again. I hate working stuff like that out. I hate sharing her. The other day when she got back from his house she told me she was crying there because she missed me and wanted to come home. :o( That makes me both happy and sad - I hate to think of her missing me, but I'm glad she does, ya know? After all this time, it still kills me to have to send her back to his house all the time. I guess you never really get used to it, huh?
Blah. i should get up and start cleaning. I'd like to do something fun with Chloe today, and I'd also like to do some scrapbooking if Cora will let me. I'm so behind with my scrapbooks!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Frustrations of a divorced mama
Oy vey, I am frustrated!
For the past some odd weeks, every time Chloe comes back from her dad's house with these spots on her that are pretty obviously bug bites of some kind. We've ruled out mosquitoes and fleas, but still aren't sure what they are. On the weeks that I have her for 5 days in a row, they all start to fade and nearly go away, but as soon as she goes back over there they show up again. Today they are all over her face and arms, and she looks like she has chicken pox or something! I hate to even take her anywhere for fear people will think she's contagious. I wish he'd do something about it - call an exterminator and have them spray maybe? But he just says they cleaned and didn't see anything, there's nothing else they can do. I wonder if his house isn't maybe infested with bed bugs or something. I could understand maybe an occasional mosquito bite or something - she even gets those from our house - but to have several of these spots every time she comes home is just getting plain ridiculous. I hate sending her over there because she's getting eaten alive.
Today in general she's having a hard time. She came home from his house a little after noon and my friend Jessica was here with her daughter Alyssa and also Sophia. Chloe and Alyssa usually play so beautifully today, but Chloe just kept having little melt downs the whole time. Alyssa put her tea set away in the wrong place - she came running out crying. Alyssa wanted to be the dad instead of the baby while they played house - she came running out crying. She bumped her head on something, it didn't appear to be that bad, but she held her breath till she passed out, something she hasn't done in nearly a year. Every little thing is just really setting her off. After her friend left I laid down with her hoping some snuggle time with mama would lead to a nap (it almost always does.) After 45 minutes of laying there, she still didn't fall asleep so I let her get up. She's still overly sensitive though - she just asked to take her markers downstairs (something she hasn't been allowed to do for awhile now) and I said no, so she's throwing yet another fit. She's so full of anger and unhappiness right now, and just is not being herself on so many levels.
Her dad did find that his girlfriend will be having a baby boy (not till January sometime), and Chloe was disappointed because she wanted it to be a girl. Not sure if that could have something to do with it. I asked about it a little but she didn't want to talk about it, just said she didn't want a boy. I hope we have a girl for her sake, she wants a girl so, so bad. Two boys would just break her little heart. I asked if anything else happened at dad's house, but she just said "everything" and threw herself at me crying. I asked her "like what?" but again she didnt' want to talk about it. She's always a little off when she comes home from there, but today is just way different.
I wish I knew what was so wrong with my little girl :-(
In other news, I had my 40 week midwife appointment this morning. Everything still looks great, my uterus has grown to 40 cm, which is right on. He estimated approximately an 8 lb baby, but that's just a guess, he could be pretty far off. I may have lost part of my mucous plug this morning, but I'm not completely sure. Tested for amniotic fluid leaking and there isn't any. We're right there - everything is ready, my body is ready, the baby is big enough, it just needs to come out already! I'll have Andrew take some belly pics this afternoon so I can show y'all how huge I am. LOL
For the past some odd weeks, every time Chloe comes back from her dad's house with these spots on her that are pretty obviously bug bites of some kind. We've ruled out mosquitoes and fleas, but still aren't sure what they are. On the weeks that I have her for 5 days in a row, they all start to fade and nearly go away, but as soon as she goes back over there they show up again. Today they are all over her face and arms, and she looks like she has chicken pox or something! I hate to even take her anywhere for fear people will think she's contagious. I wish he'd do something about it - call an exterminator and have them spray maybe? But he just says they cleaned and didn't see anything, there's nothing else they can do. I wonder if his house isn't maybe infested with bed bugs or something. I could understand maybe an occasional mosquito bite or something - she even gets those from our house - but to have several of these spots every time she comes home is just getting plain ridiculous. I hate sending her over there because she's getting eaten alive.
Today in general she's having a hard time. She came home from his house a little after noon and my friend Jessica was here with her daughter Alyssa and also Sophia. Chloe and Alyssa usually play so beautifully today, but Chloe just kept having little melt downs the whole time. Alyssa put her tea set away in the wrong place - she came running out crying. Alyssa wanted to be the dad instead of the baby while they played house - she came running out crying. She bumped her head on something, it didn't appear to be that bad, but she held her breath till she passed out, something she hasn't done in nearly a year. Every little thing is just really setting her off. After her friend left I laid down with her hoping some snuggle time with mama would lead to a nap (it almost always does.) After 45 minutes of laying there, she still didn't fall asleep so I let her get up. She's still overly sensitive though - she just asked to take her markers downstairs (something she hasn't been allowed to do for awhile now) and I said no, so she's throwing yet another fit. She's so full of anger and unhappiness right now, and just is not being herself on so many levels.
Her dad did find that his girlfriend will be having a baby boy (not till January sometime), and Chloe was disappointed because she wanted it to be a girl. Not sure if that could have something to do with it. I asked about it a little but she didn't want to talk about it, just said she didn't want a boy. I hope we have a girl for her sake, she wants a girl so, so bad. Two boys would just break her little heart. I asked if anything else happened at dad's house, but she just said "everything" and threw herself at me crying. I asked her "like what?" but again she didnt' want to talk about it. She's always a little off when she comes home from there, but today is just way different.
I wish I knew what was so wrong with my little girl :-(
In other news, I had my 40 week midwife appointment this morning. Everything still looks great, my uterus has grown to 40 cm, which is right on. He estimated approximately an 8 lb baby, but that's just a guess, he could be pretty far off. I may have lost part of my mucous plug this morning, but I'm not completely sure. Tested for amniotic fluid leaking and there isn't any. We're right there - everything is ready, my body is ready, the baby is big enough, it just needs to come out already! I'll have Andrew take some belly pics this afternoon so I can show y'all how huge I am. LOL
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