A Really Big Dream

I'm not supposed to be getting excited, right?

Oh, but I am. And that means I'm in trouble. Because if this house isn't the one we're supposed to end up in, and we don't get it, I'm going to cry. A lot.

We looked at a farm yesterday. I knew just from the pictures that it was The One, and I was right. I was afraid to even go see it - it's a little more than we were wanting to pay, so I assumed we shouldn't even bother considering it. But for what it is, the price is ridiculously low. And it's not impossible. So we looked. And we got sucked in, and we fell in love.

The house itself is Way More than we could ever possibly need. It's enormous. It's fancy. It's so luxurious it's actually kind of embarrassing.

But the land is exactly what we want. When we set out to start looking, our focus was not on the house, but on the land. Houses can be modified, added on to or changed to fit our needs. Not so much the land that the house is sitting on. We knew we wanted 20-30 acres. We wanted some pasture and some wild, natural land. There needs to be irrigation or water of some kind, and good water rights. Out buildings and fences would be an added bonus.

We spent a few hours last week looking at the properties that fit those needs (there are only about four in the area we're hoping to move.) Only one really even came close, but it wasn't perfect - it was all pasture, no wild.

The place we looked at yesterday had it all: enough natural land that the elk and deer would be happy there, enough pasture to feed all the animals we hope to keep. There's plenty of irrigation water to take care of it all. And it's got out buildings. It's got more than out buildings - a wood shop, a chicken house, an implement shed, and a red barn. With a hay loft. It's all well fenced, and has corrals already in place. It all needs a bit of hard work and love, but our family is quite capable of both. There's nothing missing from the land itself that we could possibly want.

As I said, the house is secondary. It wasn't our primary focus. But the house is incredible. All the little details I've ever dreamed of having are there, plus more that I never even thought to wish for. Like a root cellar. It has a root cellar! (This has to be meant for us, right?) It also has a garage. We've lived without a garage for six years. The idea of having one is more than a little bit exciting.

We don't deserve to have this place. We'd be content with just the basics, and this is far beyond the basics. I'm afraid to let myself dream of this becoming a reality. It's too perfect. It's too good for us! I can think of a dozen other families that deserve this house more than we do. But, as my wise friend Katie told me, "God doesn't give us what we deserve. If He gave us what we deserve, we'd all be dead."

Waiting to hear from the mortgage guy, wondering if this is going to come together, is going to make me a crazy person. I didn't sleep last night, going back and forth between dreaming of Two Little Girls growing up in that perfect setting, and then reminding myself that this can't possibly actually happen. Our mortgage guy better work fast, or I might go insane from lack of sleep.

Clearly, I'm in trouble. When it all falls apart, I'm going to be really, really sad. I wish I could prepare myself for the disappointment, but I don't think I can. So y'all dream with me for a little bit, and then be prepared to comfort me when I come back blogging through my tears, K?