Refusing to Believe.

All throughout my childhood, I dreamed of having a little girl of my own some day. I would make plans for things I'd do with my daughter, I saved special toys and books to some day share with her.
When I was pregnant with The Oldest, I had an ultrasound. They told me it was a girl, but I flat out refused to believe them. It seemed to good to be true. Of course I would've been happy with any healthy baby, but in my heart I desperately wanted that daughter I'd always yearned for. I wanted her so badly that I simply couldn't let myself believe that dream might really come true. I was too afraid of the disappointment if they'd have turned out to be wrong. I bought nothing pink, or lacy, or frilly. I stuck with greens and yellows and a safari themed nursery. And then she was born, and I finally believed it. I had the little girl I'd always dreamed of.
And then, to have another? I still can't believe I'm so blessed.
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We're going tomorrow to sign the contract for The Dream Farm.
I'm still refusing to believe it. It really is just too good to be true. Surely, something is going to go wrong before we close on the property and move our Two Little Girls into the most perfect setting we could ever hope to raise them in. Something will happen to dash our dreams right back to the ground, force us to pick ourselves up and start over again in this search.
I'm so terribly excited, I can't put words to it. But I'm also so emotionally invested in this amazing opportunity that if it fails, I'll be devastated. I refuse to make any concrete plans until I know for sure that it's really going to be ours, just like I refused to buy pink. One woman cannot have so many wonderful things in her life, can she? Humbled is the best word to describe the way I feel when I even begin to imagine this might be real.
But regardless, we're signing the contract. It's one step closer to all we've dreamed of and worked toward for so long. It's the opportunity of a lifetime, if it all comes together. For heaven's sake, it already has a root cellar.
So tentatively and cautiously, we're hoping everything continues to move forward. I'll try not to blog only about this farm-buying business, though forgive me if it's all I manage - it's all I'm really thinking about these days.