Saturday, January 17, 2009

The blahs

I'm in a funk - which is probably obvious, since I've not been blogging lately. I'm just not in the mood. Nor am I in the mood to knit, or sew, or clean, cook, or homeschool, or anything else that I usually enjoy doing. I'm an emotional disaster, crying or getting angry and the drop of a hat, just going through the motions of daily life without any real feeling.

I don't like it, and I'm sick of it.

Maybe it's post-Christmas depression. Andrew told me it's "seasonal affective disorder", something he read on some website somewhere. Whatever it is, it's kind of crappy. Normally I'm a happy and cheerful person. I try to always look on the bright side, even when things just kind of suck. I need to remember how to do that again.

I think blogging is good for me - it at least lets me feel like there's a progression from day to day, that I'm not stuck in one place. It's easy to feel like that when you're a SAHM, when the little day to day tasks seem to outweigh the milestones, the accomplishments and progress.

I joined a gym. Andrew and I both did, along with my friend Ashley. It'll be good for me, I think, maybe help conquer some of my body-confidence issues (and the fear of wearing a bathing suit in Mexico five weeks from now.) I went to Target and bought a cute little work out outfit, just 'cuz I could. I'm meeting with a trainer on Monday morning at 10. They also have pilates, yoga, some abs and spin classes that are all included in the monthly dues, and a babysitting room for $2 per visit. Not a bad deal. I'm sort of obsessive about my body, have been ever since Cora was born. I've lost something like 25 pounds, I'm down to the weight I was at 13 years old, and I'm down to the same pants size I wore then too, but I'm not satisfied yet, and I still find my body rather disgusting. I need to do some serious toning, do something about all the loose flabby skin that droops from every inch of my midsection, and find a way to look good in the Victoria's Secret bathing suit I'm about to go order. (I found a one piece VS swim suit that I LOVE on clearance for $19.99. That's cheaper than Wal Mart. Sweet.)

I'm trying to get a head start on spring cleaning and organizing. For some reason cleaning and organizing always makes me feel a little better. I've been on a purging kick for the past week or so, and it'll probably continue for awhile: I'm tossing everything that takes up space and doesn't get used, and there's a lot of that around here. Andrew helped me clean up the computer room (half of the junk was his) and it makes me feel so much better to be in here. He also built some shelves in a closet, which allowed me to organize some of Chloe's "heap of crafty goodness". Little by little, I WILL get this house in decent order again.

And I'm starting on a pair of Bella's Mittens for my sister-in-law for her "Miller Family Winter Gift Exchange" gift. (We can't call it Hannukah since we're doing it in February, and it's definitely not Christmas since Christmas is evil, so I just made up a name.) I also have some sewing to do for some friends, which I'm looking forward to now that the craft room is straightened.

Hopefully I'm getting back on track to feeling human. I need to. Being cranky and depressed all the time is so not me. :oP

To all my friends whose blogs I've been neglecting - I'm sorry. I'll be around again, and look forward to catching up on what's going on in your lives. And Tricia, I'm so excited you're blogging! I'll definitely take a look soon and add you to my list. :o)

1 comment:

Kim said...


I totally get what you're saying. I have been crying at the drop of a hat, getting angry, losing my patience... you name it, that's me. I *could* blame it on being pregnant, but honestly, I can't. I'm a really good pregnant person.

I think it's partly seasonal affective disorder, or the reasons for it, that are getting me down - can't really go outside, it's been like 5 degrees here and WINDY. Can't go on walks (because of weather and lack of plowed sidewalks). Can't go out as much, because everything interesting is at least 30 minutes away and the roads are crap sometimes. It's dark when Andy gets home from work at 5, so it just seems dark and dreary all the time. Library time hasn't started for Andrew, and going to the Y for swimming and to open gym for gymnastics is REALLY expensive. Plus now I have a cold, so that's making me REALLY irritable.

At least we're halfway through January and spring is getting ever closer. The baby will be here in 7 weeks, and Andrew's birthday is in 3 months, and I know by then the weather will be nice and sunny.

I just hate feeling STUCK all the time. Stuck inside, stuck in Lockport, stuck with a 2 year old who doesn't know why we have to stay inside all the time.

Blah. This was really long. LOL! I'm just glad I'm not the only one feeling it, although I wish neither of us were!