Saturday, January 31, 2009

The case of the disappearing husband

I don't know how many times now Andrew's return date has changed. First it was Monday, then maybe Wednesday, then - hooray! - Sunday night. Now it's just "sometime next week". And each time, it's another let down and I get sad and pissed off all over again.

I need to get a life. I'm pitiful, really. When he's working in town, I spend my days looking forward to the moment he walks in the door. I turn down play dates, shopping, lunches out whenever he's off for the week because all I want is to spend my time with him. And now that he's out of town I'm kind of lost, without purpose, because my husband isn't around to reel me back in at the end of each day. He grounds us, really, and without him around life is sort of chaotic and unstructured because we're all just waiting for him to come home.

Jesus, just reading that makes me sound pathetic.

So I'm done. I'm done sitting around missing him, wishing he were here to see funny things the baby does or hear Chloe sound out a new word. I'm not going to be sad anymore that I can't share with him from the hilarious book I'm reading, or show him my latest knitting experiment. I'm not going to waste away while I refuse to cook for only the children, and I'm not going to depend on him anymore for my "adult conversation". Everything is so centrally located on all four of us together, even if for only an hour or two a day. I think it's time to re-center. It's time to restructure a new little world that doesn't depend on him so much. We can do this - we're girls, we're tough. We don't need a man to hold us together, right? I can do without companionship and conversation and good lovin' at night.

I need to make more friends. I need to get out of the house more. I need to find things to do that occupy my time.

Blah. Don't listen to me, I'm pathetic.


Katey said...

my opinion :)
If you get used to him being gone it makes it harder when he is home...kinda like he is interupting your routine???? does that make are a family unit of 4! not 3 and 4 sometimes...I totally know how you feel and am only telling you thins cause I did that when Dave first started started becoming okay and 'better' when he was gone and that is not I making sense????

Tricia said...

if i lived closer we would SO be in person friends ;o)~ I promise. Just hold your head up, i know its hard.. my first husband could disappear for days and i would hardly notice..Chuck can't be gone for any little bit of time and i am a wreck.

Julie said...

I totally agree Tricia. There are so many cool people I've met online, and through my blog, that I wish lived in Colorado. I could stand to have a few great people like you all nearby!

and Katey - you're right. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. He'll always be the one that holds us all together, and we'll never be 'normal' without him around, no matter where or what hours we works. I know you're right, I'm just temporarily bitter. ;-)