Thursday, January 29, 2009

What really matters? Who really cares?

Do you ever go through these phases? The "who really gives a damn, anyway?" phases?

My life revolves around the most mundane things. Unloading the dishwasher, folding diapers, cooking child-friendly concoctions meant to nourish my little nestlings, and an unending supply of poop (kid poop, baby poop, dog poop, cat poop, seriously, we have more than enough poop to go around.)

I get stressed out about the stupidest things. "For Christ's sake, WHERE is that fluffy pink hair tie?!" "Do NOT throw another dried cherry on the floor or I will not feed you for the rest of your life!" I might be a little obsessive about some of those stupid things: I always clean the windows before my in-laws come over, for example, and I always scrub my sink before my mother stops by. And it always stresses me out, at least a little.

But for the love of God, who really cares? Why do *I care? Does it really matter that the hair ties in the bathroom cupboard aren't properly organized? (Well, okay, actually the bathroom cabinet is actually vomiting hair ties most days.) Does it really matter that the books on the bookshelf are never straight, my six year old's hair is always in her eyes, the laundry is NEVER completely caught up?

No, it doesn't matter. I know it doesn't matter. I know the world will still rotate on it's axis even if all of my silly little mundane chores don't get finished each day.

I deny myself much-beloved knitting time, story time, giggle time, so that I can make sure the floors are mopped (which I just did three days ago, and will have to do in another three days), the beds are made, the towels are clean and dinner is cooked. Okay well, I suppose dinner really *is sort of important. Can't let them starve, afterall... though maybe they'd prefer that to the recent bowls full of glop I've been serving.

Every so often, I do this. The "it doesn't really matter" phase. And I'll go on cleaning strike for awhile, doing only the most basic and necessary little things.

And then, in a week or two, I'll go crazy, I'll be overcome by the chaos and disorganization that is my life, and I'll spend another week or two cleaning, scrubbing, organizing and perfecting.... so that I can begin questioning again whether it really even matters.

For heaven's sake, I need something more important to do.


1 comment:

Katey said...

you are doing the most important thing....mommyhood...even in the mundaneness...is that a word...it is the little things that matter....snuggles, reading, laughing

they will remember time spent with them not the dirty floors....