Saturday, September 22, 2007


I am so jealous of the people who are laid back and easy going and capable of just relaxing sometimes. I have never been one of those people. There's just always so much to do - housework, cooking, activities with the kids, not to mention hobbies like knitting, sewing and scrapbooking, plus my love of going places and experiencing new things. My days are full from the moment I wake up until I finally crash at night. And when I do lay down at night, my head is so full of thoughts and ideas that I have a terrible time falling asleep.

I do manage to take a nap some days still - anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour. Usually around noon or one I start to crash and my energy level drops to practically non-existent. But then when I wake up, I feel guilty for having wasted precious time when I could have been doing something else. And it seems there's always *something I could be doing. If there's a lull in my day, I've gotten all the household stuff done, then I could be playing with Chloe, or teaching her something new, or getting in some extra knitting time.

I know other moms who have no problem sitting down and watching TV while doing nothing else, or whatever else people do when they relax. I just can't do it. If I actually do watch TV or a movie, I'm either tending the baby or knitting while I watch. Always, always multitasking. I get frustrated with other people too, when they just sit around chilling out while I feel the need to keep accomplishing more. I used to get so mad at my ex-husband for always sleeping in or playing games or whatever when there were things that needed to be done! (Granted, he was more just lazy, not relaxing a little. LOL) Even when Andrew just wants to hang out and not get something done, I get a little frustrated.

All this wouldn't be so bad except that I tend to burn myself out so much. I get frustrated and overwhelmed and end up in a terribly bad mood which I tend to take out on everyone else which, obviously, is entirely unfair to them.

I just wish I could chill out more and just enjoy life without feeling like I need to always be doing something. Perhaps this goes along with my mediocrity complex... but more on that later.

Edited to add:

Okay, so I did my best today to just chill. I only did the bare necessities as far as chores are concerned, plus Chloe and I cleaned up the TV/playroom and I washed, dried, and folded two loads of laundry. I spent lots of time knitting and reading, sat outside and watched Chloe play in the dirt with the dog, went for a jog to the park and watched Chloe play with another kid... I feel like I slacked off all day. And I kind of feel good about it. :-)

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